Ever since joining the ‘rat race” I call law school, I’ve been so freaking busy I’ve totally forgot about all my other dreams and aspirations. I know I’m not about to die anytime soon but  I’ve decided to make a bucket list to remind myself of all my goals. In no particular order:

1) Graduate from law school and pass the bar…in progress

2) Become an advocate and community leader for the poor and disadvantaged and achieve REAL change…. will do after achieving #1

3) Actually learn how to cook!  Cuz eating out has become too expensive and unhealthy

4) Look good naked – Check!

5) Get a six-pack…and keep it!  And I’m not talking about beer!  – Postponed until #3 is achieved.

6) Write a song and post it on youtube -  Need more inspiration

7)  Get 1000 hits for my youtube video w/out me watching it 1000 times on different computers.

8)  Learn Spanish – Si Si Puede!

9) Try out for the U.S. Open of Tennis – hey a man can dream can’t he?

10) Host Saturday Night Live -  Definitely possible if I win the U.S Open.

11) Do a stand-up comedy routine – And not get boo-ed off the stage!

12) Live in another country for a year and learn the language.

13) Visit the Motherland (Vietnam) – Check!

14)  Learn how to break dance – Please dont laugh. haha

15) Write a book. Probably Fiction.

16) Become a professor of a topic I really care about

17) Sky dive while playing tennis – Hellz yeah!

18) Climb half dome in Yosemite – I’d like to thank my hat cai peeps for inspiring me!

19) Improve my law school GPA.  -_-

Yeah. that’s enough for now cuz I actually want to be able to achieve all these in one lifetime!

So I met a girl about a month ago at a law school networking event. We’ll call her Stacy for now. haha.  Let’s just say, we hit it off pretty well.  And as the summer went on, we continued to kick it at various other social events, but always in a group setting.  After getting her number and flirting back and forth through text messages, I finally grew the balls to ask her out on a date.  And this is how I did it:

Stacy picked me up on a random Saturday so that we could volunteer at an Elder Abuse Law Clinic together and help disadvantaged senior citizens. I know, how romantic right? haha.  Anyways, I got extremely bored half-way through the event so I randomly decided to build her an origami heart out of some paper I found. On the inside of the heart, I wrote “Will you go out with me? – Brian”   And on the front of the heart, I wrote “open me.”

Then during the lunch break, me and Stacy were sitting next to each other and I asked her to get me some napkins. As soon as she left the table, I grabbed her purse and slipped my paper heart inside.  Slick, I know.    After the clinic ended, me and her hung out with some other law school peeps.  Naturally, I was kind of a nervous wreck because I wasn’t sure if she had found the heart or worse, if she did find it and was about to reject me.

When she dropped me off at my apartment, she stuck out her hand to indicate that she wanted a handshake. At this point, I thought “oh no! she must have seen the heart and this handshake is just a nice way of saying she just wants to be friends.”   I thought, “what the hell! why not! A handshake isn’t the end of the world!”  To my surprise, when I shook her hand, I found a paper origami crane in her hand.  I gotta admit, that was really slick!  haha.  She said, “I made this just for you!. Anyways, I better get going. Bye!”

5 minutes after she drove off, I got a text from her saying “open up the crane. my response to your question is inside.” And when I opened it, all I saw was a smiley face. And I was pretty damn sure that meant “yes.”  Otherwise, that would have been the most effed up way to reject someone.

We’ve been on one date so far and it went well. It was pretty fun. I don’t wanna divulge any details because it’s kinda new and I don’t wanna jinx it.

But I will say that I was totally surprised and impressed by how she responded to my origami heart. I’ve never met someone so creative and clever. I think she’s a keeper, but it’s still too early to tell.  Let’s see what happens!

Yes it’s true.  Quick update. I’m now working as a law clerk (read: lawyer’s slave)  in Beverly Hills for an immigration attorney.  . Yay money!!  And money I don’t have to pay back to lenders.

I’ve been working there a little over a month and the job seemed pretty sweet at first but how quickly things change.  Up until recently, I enjoyed it a lot because the Man did not want me in until noon everyday and I could pretty much come and go at my leisure.  It was a sweet gig. Working next door to 4  cute receptionists doesn’t hurt either.

But my boss (Ron) has reverted to Nazi mode recently (which is ironic because I just emailed my friend the other day saying how much I like my boss). And it sucks when your desk is literally right next to your Nazi boss. It’s pretty nerve-racking knowing that your boss is constantly hovering over your shoulder and watching your every move. In other words, I can’t really relax. I’m used to having my own office. Obviously, I have not been on Facebook once  during work. (I reserve FB time for my cell phone when im on the toilet. you’re welcome for the TMI)  A recent exchange with my boss illustrates my frustration perfectly:

Ron: This memo is pure crap. What have you been doing this whole time?

Me: Dude, I worked my ass off on that. My desk is right next to yours; did you not hear me typing furiously for the past four hours?

Ron: I don’t care. If I were to give this a grade, It’d be an F. You’re lucky you’re not the one being deported. (wow exaggerate much??)

Me: (sarcasm) Thanks for the constructive criticism.

Ron: Im glad I could help. *Puts out his hand for a fist bump*

Me: That’s a cool watch you got there. Thanks for showing me. *First bump rejected*

What an idiot. Why would I give you a fist bump after you completely trashed something I worked my ass of on? Fortunately, I don’t think he noticed my sarcasm. I would have been fired on the spot if he did. Phew!

The worst part of all this is that everything Ron said is true. If I’m to be an attorney in the real world, all my work has to be A+ material. Anything less will cause my client to lose his case, his money, or in this case get him deported.  In other words, an attorney (at least a good one) cannot make mistakes. Because my learning has been restricted to a classroom, that didn’t really hit home until now. What Ron said was pretty harsh, but I’m glad he did because it was a good lesson for me. And it was better I learned the lesson now than later.

Despite the shitty work day, I got the  last laugh. At the end of the day, he still had to pay me. “Pure crap” and all.  =)

Lent is a time to be grateful. Or at least it’s supposed to be. I’ve been feeling pretty grateful lately. In particular, I’ve been grateful for all of my friends, especially the ones who have routinely reached out to me. You dudes know who you are. In no particular order: Hugo, Jimmy, Long, Tan, and Crissy (not a dude).  You guys routinely call, email, or facebook me just to say hello.  And you hang out with me and put up with my shenanigans. It is much appreciated!

What I really like about hanging out with you guys (and Crissy. haha) is that I can totally be myself around you guys. And I’m all for authenticity. I don’t like hanging out with guys who act macho all the time.  Im not saying you guys aren’t macho  (well maybe Hugo isnt). haha. What I’m saying is that I love how you guys always keep it real.  I always have a pretty good time with you guys with laughter all around.

Man. There’s gonna be stiff competition in terms of who I ask to be my best man. HAHA.  (I am now accepting applications. Please inquire within). Although Tan might argue that he has the edge since we have been buddies since kindergarten. haha. We’ll see what happens.

And I’m not totally against the idea of having a Best Woman either, instead of a best man. Am I allowed to do that? Well, I’d better cuz it’s my wedding, so it’s my rules!  She would wear the tux and everything. haha. I already have someone in mind for that job and she’s actually cool with being my best woman in case I can’t pick a best man. Jaspreet is one cool chick.

I seem to have a dilemma on my hands. If this is a problem, then it is a pretty awesome problem to have. And it’s totally you guys’ fault cuz you guys rock! Thanks for always being there for me! Thinking about it warms my heart. (sorry if reading this mushy stuff made you puke. haha)

Much bro (and sister) love,

Brian

go together like a horse and carriage. J/k. No, this blog entry is not about the show Married with Children. However, it is about Love and Marriage.

Ever since covering gay marriage in my Constitutional Law class, I’ve been thinking about marriage a lot. No, I dont plan on getting married any time soon! haha.  In fact, I dont know if I want to get married at all. At least not in the traditional “I do” sense of the word.

With divorce rates hovering around 50% and the need for a “pre-nup” seemingly becoming an absolute pre-requisite for marriage, the institution of marriage is in danger of becoming meaningless. I find it ironic that the heterosexual community is blaming the downfall of marriage on gays when the majority of that “50%” divorce rate is comprised of heterosexual couples. I am in no way implying that gays are less likely to get divorced than heterosexuals or vice-versa. Just that the institution of marriage is not in danger because of some “gay conspiracy” to ruin the sanctity of marriage.

I’m not even going to say something cliche like “marriage isn’t what it used to be” because that would imply that the world was somehow better 50/60 years ago than it is today which is not true. If you don’t believe me, just remember all the discrimination that women and blacks suffered back then.

You must be wondering what the hell my point is. Well…I’m glad you asked. haha I think the institution of marriage is going down the tubes because it is both unrealistic and selfish at the same time. And when I say the “institution of marriage” I am referring to the Judeo-Christian version of it. For instance, when a priest/rabbi/etc. says “to have to and to hold for as long as you both shall live, etc.,” it has very heavy implications. For one, it implies that once you love a person you love the person always and if you love a person and later on you feel that you don’t love, it only means that you never loved the person in the first place.   That’s a dangerous idea. It implies an idea of a permanent love and in life, nothing is permanent.  Love, like life, is always changing and in constant flux.  But if marriage is seen in this light, love becomes secondary and permanence becomes primary. As a result, people marry out of fear instead of marrying because they truly love each other.

Of course I’m not saying that it’s okay to lie about loving your spouse  and then go whore around and cheat on him/her. No No. I’m not saying that at all. (loyalty and commitment are VERY important virtues in a marriage) All I am saying is that you should never expect permanent love from your spouse just like he/she should not expect the same from you. That’s not real love. Real love is as uncertain as life is uncertain. And because real love is uncertain, it should never be possessive.

I guess what I’m saying is that just because you marry someone, it does not mean you will love them forever and ever or that they’ll love you in the same way. Real love takes a lot of work, understanding, flexibility, creativity, and patience. I suppose the 50% divorce rate isn’t because institution of marriage is flawed; it’s because of the people who enter into it.

I probably am going to get married, but it will only be because my wife and family want it. Aside from those reasons, I do not need to have a formal ceremony to prove to my wife that I love her or that she loves me. We will already know that we love each other long before we step up to the altar and say “I do.”  =)

I love Da Ali G!

For some reason, this semester has been ridiculously fun! haha. I know what you’re thinking.  If he thinks law school is fun, he must not be studying at all, right?? Well, you thought wrong! haha. To my surprise, the studying has actually been a big part of the fun.  For some reason, I really like all my classes this semester. In criminal procedure, I’m learning about all the crazy, fun and sexy stuff you see on Law and Order and other cop shows. So far, I’ve learned that criminal suspects can be pretty stupid while cops can be even stupider at times.  Reading these cases can also be frustrating because it makes me want to slap the cops for not doing simple things such as reading a person their miranda rights, or conducting searches without warrants, etc.  No wonder so many criminals get away scotch free. As a result, it’s very popular for people to say that our criminal system is broken.  What people don’t realize is that it’s only broken because the people who run the system don’t know what the hell they’re doing sometimes. While I don’t think I’m cut out to be a trial lawyer, learning about trial law has been pretty fun. I digress…

The class I’ve enjoyed the most so far this semester been Constitutional Law. For some reason, I really like participating in this class. It’s hard not to participate when we’re discussing such hot/controversial topics such as gay marriage, abortion, euthanasia, etc. The discussions have been profound, thoughtful, smart, deep, and surprisingly funny sometimes.  In my Constitutional Law class today, I got a chance to deliver a Da Ali G joke about Euthanasia. Before you hate me for making fun of dying old people, read what I had to say:

Me: Do doctors have the right to end senior citizen’s lives?

Professor: That’s Euthanasia.

Me: But why is it the responsibility of  the Youth In Asia for killing somebody else? Surely, it’s between that patient and the doctor, right?

Professor: Euthanasia is the term they use for killing

Me: Yeah sure but it’s mainly asian youths who are responsible for this, right?

Professor: No it’s not! Euthanasia has NOTHING to do with youngsters in Asia!

My classmates really got a laugh out of that and I got 20 bucks from a friend who dared me to do it. haha. I’m glad my professor has a sense of humor. haha Any other professor would have been pissed if I wasted class time like that. In any case, I’m really grateful for anonymous grading ^^

Man,…I’ve really enjoyed this year so far. I really feel like I’ve become a more confident public speaker and a more confident person overall. Before I started law school, I was pretty shy, soft spoken, and slightly passive aggressive. Now I can comfortably say that I’m pretty outgoing and articulate. I have learned to say what I mean and mean what I say. And I’ve also learned not to take any shit from anybody. Now dont’ get me wrong. When I say I don’t take shit from anybody,  I don’t mean that I start fights in bars with random strangers or anything like that. haha No No No. What I meant was that I  stand up for myself more nowadays.  Law school has not only helped me improve as a student but as an overall person as well. For that, I’m pretty grateful.

Love Life Update:

So the the “date” that I went on wasn’t even a date at all. haha Literally 10 minutes before she picked me up,  “Sugar” texted me to tell me that 4 of her girlfriends were going. What a freakin’ tease huh? Not to mention a huge cockblock. haha

She is obviously intimidated by my hotness and can’t trust herself to be alone with me. Isn’t it obvious?? Haha.  The fact that her girlfriends were there didn’t phase me at all though. I kept my composure, turned up the charm, and had alotta fun eating vegan food with friends. I call them friends because the other girls are all my classmates so that made it a little less awkward.

Despite the cockblock on Sunday, I still think she likes me. We flirt back and forth constantly. I know she thinks of me often because she likes to text me really late at night. And I catch her looking at me a lot in class. The way she stares is kinda creepy actually. And I thought guys were creepy! haha But I’m okay with her staring since she’s really cute =)  I know, such a double standard, right?! haha

So I’m trying to find some alone time with Sugar. Although we’ve hung out by ourselves before, I haven’t hung out with her alone  lately cuz she’s been inviting her friends lately.  Maybe she wants her friends to size me up?  Or maybe it’s because she likes me too and is too shy to be alone with me? I have no idea! haha    I want to ask her out but it’s kinda hard to do that when you don’t have a car. I can’t exactly pick her up on my bicycle and make her sit on my handlebars. We’re not in 8th grade anymore.  Boy I’ll tell ya, not having a car in LA really blows.

I haven’t been on a date in over a year so I’m a little rusty with this stuff. How can I ask her out in a way where she knows it’s a date? Keep in mind that she is picking me up in her car since I don’t have a car.  I want her to ask her out in a way that she understands that her girlfriends are not invited. Any suggestions?

It’s a good thing Sugar doesn’t know about this blog! haha.  ^^

I’m pretty sure most of you have heard the statement, “Just Be Yourself” at least once in your life. Below is an awesome article from Scott H. Young explaining why following that advice will actually prevent you from getting the most out of life.  Enjoy!

If there is one piece of self-help advice I wish would go away it is the advice to ‘be yourself’. The only think I dislike more than the proliferus usage of this phrase is how everyone seems to universally accept it as words to live by. It seems like every self-help author needs to append a chapter to their book describing why, above all else, you need to ‘be yourself’.

The problem with this little snippet of inspiration is the same with virtually all bad motivational sayings, it is too vague, ignores reality and in some cases can actually be harmful. As popular as this phrase is, I’m sure to get some angry comments from readers who believe I’ve lost it completely, so I want to ensure you that there is a reasoning behind my convictions. Moreover I want to make it clear that there is value to this advice even if it is disguised in it’s current form.

Why ‘Be Yourself’ is Misleading

So now that I’ve made my statement of conviction, I think it is time to back up exactly why I believe the suggestion to ‘be yourself’ should be abolished. Although being yourself seems like trustworthy advice, I believe it has a few problems.

How Can You Be Anything But Yourself?

The first problem with this advice is simply that you can’t be anything but yourself. No matter how you behave or act you are always you. This statement seems to imply that you sometimes do things that are ‘yourself’ and other times do things that are ‘not yourself’, as if there were some logical separation between those two categories.

At this point some of you are probably thinking, “Scott, you are taking this way too literally. Of course you can never be someone other than yourself, but you can act in ways that doesn’t reflect your true self. You can try to mask your personality or act like a fake.”

The problem with a statement such as this is that it seems to create some sort of artificial division between your behaviors. So when you lie, you simply aren’t ‘being yourself’. This is garbage. When you consistently deceive others the problem isn’t that you aren’t being yourself it is simply that you are deceptive. The ‘be yourself’ mantra seems to distill all the negative qualities of your personality as not being the real you.

The truth is there is only one you and that is the person who does all of your actions. Don’t push behaviors that are negative as not being the real you. You have to own all of your behaviors and actions, even those that are incongruent.

‘Being Yourself’ Can Cut Growth

There is a hidden trap within the statement to be yourself. This trap is that sometimes being yourself is an excuse that cuts you off from growth. Instead of taking responsibility for who you are and striving to evolve that, you can avoid doing the work by saying that those aspects are just part of the real you. Anything that cuts you off from experiencing a greater quality of life is bad advice, no matter how popular it is.

There are many experiences I wouldn’t have tried if I had stuck to the idea that I had to remain true to myself. As an shy and quiet child, public speaking would have definitely been something outside my boundaries. Today I love delivering speeches and attending Toastmasters. Had I stuck to the mantra of ‘just be yourself’ I probably would have excused myself out of a wonderful experience.

Although some of you may think that this is a misinterpretation of the original intention of the advice, it is an effect nonetheless. I have seen many people use the excuse that they needed to be themselves to avoid taking up many opportunities in their life. People who missed out on relationships, activities and experiences simply because doing so wasn’t ‘being themselves’.

The other aspect of this problem is that sometimes it is necessary to ‘fake it’ outside your comfort zone in order to transfer those traits to the ‘real you’. So even if you are normally very quiet and boring, you might have to start going to events and become enthusiastic and spontaneous so you can internalize those characteristics. In this case ‘being yourself’ is limiting you.

You Need to Evolve

The final problem I have with the advice to be yourself is simply that it assumes that ‘yourself’ doesn’t need any improvement. I haven’t met or heard of a single person on earth devoid of the need to improve. It is this need for growth that gives life meaning and I think it is ridiculous to assume that the answer to fix all flaws is simply to ‘be yourself’.

As I stated in my first argument, there is no artificial barrier separating your good from your bad traits, they are part of the whole. Similarly, there is no separation between the real you and all other behaviors. When you act like a jerk consistently, you are a jerk. Although it isn’t good to give yourself a label like that, you need to own those behaviors instead of just dismissing them.

Instead of the advice, ‘be yourself’ I think the proper saying should be, ‘be your best self.’ This is really what most people intend when they say this saying. This means be yourself, but without all that lying, sarcasm, shyness, negativity or other traits people don’t want to ascribe to the ‘real you’.

Your personality needs to evolve as you do. Don’t limit yourself by defining a set of characteristics that are the ‘real you’. Every personality characteristic of myself that I wanted to shift I have, so I believe strongly that you have a lot more control over your personality than you think you do. If there are aspects of your personality that are limiting the quality of your life, change them.

What is the Alternative?

Now I never write a post just to complain about something, so I want to leave you with something constructive as an alternative to ‘be yourself’. Aside from all the flaws that this ambiguous piece of advice leaves, it does impart some wisdom. Fortunately those pieces of wisdom can be better summed up in different advice, so we can scrap this convoluted and misleading suggestion.

You Are Who You Decide to Be

Don’t be yourself, be who you decide to be. In other words, don’t simply act on all the beliefs and labels you have accumulated over your life but base your life on conscious decision. By basing your life on decision you are taking responsibility. Don’t assume that life is just going to work out simply by being yourself. Life doesn’t owe you anything, you must earn it all.

“What about the things I can’t change?” I hear some of you cry. This is an important point because I would be naive if I assumed you could change everything in your life through decision. There are some aspects of yourself which will be impossible for you to change on your own. However, power comes from focusing on the aspects you can change. Focus your life on the aspects you can control and improve and your power grows. There is enough of your personality to evolve for a lifetime to not worry about the parts that are unmovable.

The real allure of the advice, ‘be yourself’, is that secret hope that somehow if you are just yourself everything will all work out. This gives you that warm fuzzy feeling that somehow the universe is there to help you. Unfortunately a quick look outside shows that we live in the real world not a soft, idealized version. The real world doesn’t bend to accommodate who you are, you must evolve yourself to adapt to the real world.

Be Congruent

The real truth behind the saying ‘be yourself’ is simply to be congruent. Congruency happens when you have the courage and strength of character to behave consistently whether it is in private or with others. If you act one way with friends and completely differently with colleagues then you aren’t being congruent. This is the real heart of the ‘be yourself’ advice and perhaps its only redeeming quality.

Congruency occurs when you first make a decision about who you are and then decide to be that person in all settings. People like others who are consistent. Consistent people are trustworthy and reliable. If you see your church leader going to a strip club, what would disturb you about this? Only that he is being incongruent with how he behaves in church.

Perfect congruency is impossible, especially if you are continually growing. There are many times where you may have to take a step outside your comfort zone in one area which will stretch your consistency in other areas. As you grow more and mature it is easier to make leaps of growth without distorting your congruency.

Don’t Be Yourself — Be Congruent With Who You Decide To Be

The answer to personal happiness and growth isn’t to follow the tired advice to be yourself. Aside from being hopelessly vague, easily misconstrued and too often swallowed without thought, this nugget of wisdom can be potentially harmful. Don’t create a distinction between the ‘real you’ and when you behave inappropriately. Own all your behaviors. Don’t use this advice as an excuse for not evolving your personality into one that is more compassionate, balanced, courageous and disciplined. You are responsible for yourself.

The alternative to being yourself is simply deciding who you want to be and then becoming congruent with that person at all levels. If you are unhappy with any part of your life, work to change it. Money, status, personality, physical traits and ego are all secondary to experience itself. Be willing to change the aspects you can whenever they interrupt the quality of that experience.

The real time people spout this advice is when they see people who lack congruence. A little inconsistency may be necessary in the start of a personality shift, but you should always strive to have your public and private behaviors match. When you decide who you want to be and become perfectly congruent with that person then being yourself isn’t advice, it is the way you live your life.”

- Scott H. Young, “Don’t Be Yourself,” 2009

Duh! I already knew that!  =P

This Michael Jackson medley is damn amazing, just as long as you don’t look down. Seriously, do not look down. You have been warned.